I struggle to write every day and maybe it’s how tired I’ve ended up after struggling for some time mentally and recovering from that, stressing over the possible future or just plain laziness. There are people who spring up into the morning sun ready to write, with a dozen stories in their palm and honestly, I dislike those people. I’m never going to be one of them.
- I like to sleep.
- I’m just really more of a night person
Last week I took a major step in the planning of my novel and finally got the map down for my new world. After a few more edits I’ll be ready to draw the royal bloodlines, Gods, and major world events along with the folklore and legends that reside in these lands… I’m literally tense with excitement but I haven’t been doing it. Why? Writing is scary that’s why. It’s a mountain I have to climb that’s trembling under the pitch of my axe. I’m pretty sure I’ll fall but as long as I stay close to the bottom and stay there for as long as I can, falling won’t hurt so much! So I get nowhere. Last week I finished the map to a new and exciting world and today, shamefully I have to admit, I ate two sleeves of Oreos. Up until writing this, that’s it!
I can imagine what it will feel like to get a novel published. I most certainly will cry. Even though I never post anything on Facebook (through fear that I’m annoying anyone who reads what I could post) I’ll write a long emotion status update detailing the immense joy of having accomplished your life’s dream. I understand why I’m afraid of writing. It’s another thing to fail at along with my non-existent social and love life, my grades from high school and the pursuit of a job that doesn’t kill me from the inside. If I lose this, what will I have? If I do nothing and sit on my ass all day, even if I’m reading and using songs/soundtracks to create stories in my head, haven’t I already lost this battle too?
A fair amount of writers will tell you that once they start writing or as soon as they wake up they can barely hold themselves back from the blank pages but I am not one of those people. Instead, I’ve been one of the people hanging near rock bottom dreaming of the other side that often gets left behind and in many aspects of my life (as cheesy as this is about to sound), It’s time I started climbing that mountain so I can actually get there.