So I’m still at that stage where I’m still trying to figure out what kind of writer I want to be. The stage you start to question if writing style exists or not. In the past, I’ve written about how I could never write about my family because of how depressed it makes me, but since I’ve been planning my new novel I’ve also been trying to write other things to develop my skills. Today I realised that the only poem I wanted to write was about my father and my parent’s awful marriage.
There’s a quote that says the best novels should embarrass their authors. This was definitely embarrassing and the fact that it was a poem and it was so personal went against a lot of the rules I held against myself for when it comes to writing. As much as it shows a pretty dark side of my father it wasn’t even hard to write and it actually came out pretty good. Even if I never let her read it I know my mother deserved to have her own story and struggle recognised.
This was not a hopeful story but the betrayal and love can definitely be heard from in between the lines (for me, at least) and that made me a better writer. In a slight turn of events, I started to use my own passion derived from other aspects of my life to merge the distant worlds I usually escape to with the world I’m trapped experiencing. I didn’t ever want to stop writing again no matter how scared it made me feel, as an added bonus it really got me out of a bad depression. I got to experience what it was like to be embarrassed and proud of your own work, that I think is definitely what it feels like to be a writer.
So if you don’t know what to write about or you don’t know how to be a better one, embarrass yourself with stories, be a little selfish and write the story that deserves to be told.
Should your writing embarrass you? Yes. Absolutely f**k*** yes!